How to even begin to describe the woman who my entire world revolves around? She’s gorgeous, strong, resilient, hilarious, smart as a whip. And she loved me more than anything. The world lost something so beautiful last Monday and I lost my entire family. My Mema, Joy, raised me from the time I was just two months old, as a single mother. My life was perfect: dance classes, soccer, private school. Even on weekends the two of us would always go on some sort of adventure—shopping in Five Points, thrifting on Beach Boulevard, grabbing lasagna at her favorite spot in Mandarin. We talked on the phone every single morning and sent each other text messages throughout the day. “Look what I found at an estate sale,” “Did you see the latest Trump tweet?,” “Wanna get lunch on Friday?” My days are so empty now. I struggle to understand why no one else is collapsed on the ground, struggling to breathe. Why the world is still spinning and people are still living their lives: going to work, eating lunch, kissing their families goodnight. I know that I am the luckiest person on Earth. That I got to spend more time with her than anyone else, that I got to hold her hand and say goodbye, that hopefully some of her magic—even just a little bit—rubbed off on me. I know I’ll never get over this. That I’ll never spend a day not listening to old voicemails or looking at old photographs. That Christmas, birthdays and Thanksgiving will never be the same again. How can they when your entire family was erased with the squeal of a car’s brakes? I hope I can be strong. I promised her I’d take care of my mom and I’m trying my best but the truth is I don’t know how she managed it. And I’ll never be able to find the words to express what she was—what she still is—to me. I found a letter next to her bed, one that I wrote her on her 70th birthday. “Mema,” it said. “There are no words that can express how blessed I am to have you in my life. You are my mom, my dad, my sister and my best friend. You’ve always encouraged me to be whoever I want to be and always pushed me to follow my dreams. Of course, the person I’ve always dreamed of being, is you.”
